If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
