Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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