Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
