I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
