lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
