Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
