Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
