That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
