We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
