at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
