Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
