NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
