I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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