I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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