my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
