If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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