I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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