Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
