I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
