Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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