We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
