I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
