yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
