were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
