Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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