so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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