Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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