I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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