I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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