The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
