I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
