woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
