Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
