Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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