Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
