she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize