he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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