On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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