it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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