does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
