Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
