I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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