I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize