what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
