What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
