idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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