Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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