I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I can text with my tongue
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
