the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
