I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
bring money and cleavage
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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