"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
