i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
