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Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So squirting runs in the family.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
