Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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