Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
