god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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