dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think I won the penis lottery.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize