sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
