I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
