I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
