new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
where does the pee come out of this thing
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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