Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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