I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
