just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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